Thursday, 21 July 2016
I know there will be the endless stream of "Mum can I" and "Mum will you", but I know one can never truly prepare for the lengths of madness these questions will send you into.
The first week should be okay. It's only seven days, right? Get the first week out of the way and the rest will be a piece of cake. Sorry, I'm laughing so hard at my own idiotic positivity. Nothing about the next seven weeks is going to be a piece of anything. Unless you count the pieces of my hair that fall to floor as I tear it out in clumps, or the little bits of my sanity that will inevitably leak out of my ears.
Those of you who know me are aware I adore my children. "The Boy" is 12 years old with the attitude to match and "The Girl" is 10, always has to have the last word and has made picking her nose an artform. As kids go they're not bad. They play, they argue, they make-up then it starts all over again - so goes the circle of siblingdom. I know what it's like - even if they think I am a thousand years old and know nothing - I have an older brother and a younger sister. I've been there and done that, got the T-shirt, the duvet set and the photo ops. And, of course, at times I can hear my darling mum laughing from her bird's eye view in heaven as she says, "Payback's a bitch!"
So this is my little gift to all you mum's out there who are desperately trying to plan the next few weeks around work, the house, holidays and the lamented cry of "I'm bored!" which will come sooner than you think - believe me. Everytime you find yourself curling your fingers in your hair and grabbing a clump, sit back, take a deep breath and think about that glass of well-deserved wine and much needed slab of chocolate that awaits you at the end of the day when the little bast-- darlings have gone to bed. Then you can finally relax - until it starts all over again!
Good luck, my fellow warriors. As we head into the battle, pull up your big girl knickers and make sure you have your bra fastened securely. It's going to be a bumpy ride and we don't want anyone getting hurt!
Have a wonderful summer and remember, you're not alone!